The “Man Up” Challenge 2010 Starts!

Man Up!

The “Urban Dictionary” defines the term “Man Up” as … To be an adult male in the truest sense of his manhood.

The question then becomes what is an “adult male in the truest sense of manhood”? That will be our pursuit in The “Man Up” Challenge 2010. To seek what it means to become adult men with all of the qualities of true manhood!

Our First Challenge … Click Here To Read More & Join the challenge!

4 Questions To Ask Yourself!

4 Questions We Should Ask Ourselves To Have A Killer Year In 2010!

Hey folks! We just wrapped up our 2009 “Gladiator U” webinar series with our 4 Questions event and it was awesome! If you want to watch, listen to our download the recording just click on the image below. The short version goes like this!

To have a killer year in 2010 ask yourself, personally and professionally, individually and collectively (family or business) these 4 important questions …

#1 – What did we do this year that worked? How can we do more of it?

#2 – What did we do that didn’t work or deliver a solid ROI for our time and/or money? How do we get rid of it?

#3 – What do we want to try that is new?

#4 – What do I want to do that is big?

Again … to check out the recording just click on the image below! Let us know what you think …

4 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Today To Make 2010 A Killer Year!

4 Questions We Should Ask Ourselves Today To
Make 2010 A Killer Year!

We have had a great time this year bringing you our “Gladiator U” webinars! We are already working on ways to tweak our existing process to make next year’s series even more valuable and fun for you, our subscribers.

We are going to wrap up this year with a dynamite webinar to share with everyone our year end process for making the next year, 2010 in this case, a killer year. I can assure you the 4 questions we ask ourselves every year at this time will become your  standard year end questions, personally and professionally, as well!

Join us for this outstanding Webinar on Tuesday December 22. You can Reserve your Webinar seat now at: https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/415942451

Date: Tuesday, December 22, 2009, Time: 2:00 PM – 3:00 PM CST, After registering you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the Webinar.

Can’t Make The Webinar? Don’t Worry! Register anyway and we will send you a link to listen to and/or download the entire webinar so you won’t miss out on this important event!

Boundaries – What is Appropriate?

Rick Reynolds

(Thought you would enjoy!)

Much is written on the topic of boundaries so I’ve never weighed in on the topic. But after a discussion in the 911 Marriage question and answer session today, I think it’s time to speak up.

If someone steps on my foot I’ll probably say “ouch”. If they do it time after time I will eventually tell them to stop because they’re hurting me. The process of telling them to stop is where the boundary is set. I’m telling them their actions are hurting me and they need to stop stepping on my foot. I may even tell them what I’m going to do to avoid being stepped on, if they don’t stop.

At that point I’ve set the “don’t step on my foot boundary”. Notice, my actions aren’t aimed at changing them, but rather in protecting my foot, as well as our relationship. The other person will ultimately have to decide whether or not they’re going to alter their behavior, but at least I’ve warned them and I know what I’m going to do in order to protect myself. Click Here To Read More …

Thanks To All Who Serve!

I consider myself blessed to live in a country that provides me the freedom to pursue the opportunities I choose! My thanks to all who serve and who have served that I might have that freedom! May God richly bless each of you!

Great Question From Our DC Group … Sex, God & Marriage!

I got a great question from one of our Divorce Care group members this week. I was sharing a story about a couple we had worked with with severe differences in expectations when it came to sex. Leave it to a mention of sex to stir up a great question!

I will paraphrase, but essentially the question was “how will I know in my next marriage, beforehand, if we are going to be compatible, especially if I choose to be pure up until we marry”? Awesome question! Lewis Black the comedian says that people who remain virgins until they are married are gamblers at a level that he can’t even begin to comprehend. Yet, as Christians, we know God calls us to that standard.

What are we to do? The first thing is to trust God in the matter. The second is to do our due diligence when it comes to these matters and a number of other crucial relationship puzzle pieces. I, of course, shot this week’s video on the subject. I hope you enjoy!

Feedback welcomed!

Click here to watch the video!

Man Up! Time To Be A Dad!

Hey folks! Glad to have you here with us. I met a young lady the other day that challenged me as a man, a dad and a husband. So, I shot a short video about being a dad in the midst of one of life’s most difficult situations … divorce! Take a look and let us know what you think. PS … a transctript of the video follows!

Click Here To Watch the Video!

Man Up! Time To Be A Dad!

The Article

Hey folks, Jim Jacobus here with Ten Ten Ministries.  Welcome to our blog, Real World Christianity, and thanks for taking the time out to watch this video.  I believe that everything that happens in life is God-appointed and when you hit that switch to watch the video or open up the blog or read the blog or whatever, that God had intended for you to be here today and that something that we’re going to share with you will have some impact in your life. I’m going to leave that up to God and pray that whatever that is that He’ll make that happen for you.

I know that what we’re going to talk about today is a little sensitive and again I’m not going to apologize for it because I feel compelled to do this.  So I’m going to ask you to listen through to the end and to try to hear with an open mind, an open heart what I’ve got to say today because I think it can be the beginning of a significant change in your life or maybe it is going to be the change in the life of somebody you’re going to send this video to.

And I’ll just kind of tell you how I got to do this particular video.  I lead a Divorce Care group at our church and it has just been a great blessing to me to help folks and it has challenged me in my life with my own relationships. And through the process of doing that divorce care group I met a young lady. You know, she’s probably late teens, 18/19, something like that, getting ready to go to college and everything, a beautiful young lady.  I meet her and she shared her story that her mom and dad had been divorced for a couple of years and her dad has kind of gone his own way and pretty much abandoned her.  He doesn’t have a lot to do with her, doesn’t communicate with her.  When he does, it’s angry and frustrated and it has to be on his terms and all that kind of stuff.

So we were talking about how she could begin to open up lines of communication with her dad.  And her first statements were, “I don’t want anything to do with him.  I don’t want to talk with him.  I don’t want to be with him.  I don’t want to hear from him.  Because I’m just so angry with him and everything.”

Let me give you a quick story here, my mom and dad dropped my sister and I off on our grandparent’s doorstep.  I was two and a half years old and my sister was a year and a half old.  Now, my grandparents raised me and quite frankly, it was a great blessing.  I’m sure that I got a whole lot more out of life because of two loving grandparents and an aunt and uncle that cared for me.  Again, a great blessing.

But here’s what I know, in the best of situations the most difficult challenge a young person is going to have, the worst emotional upheaval they can experience is abandonment by one or both parents.  So she talked about her anger towards her dad and her frustration and her hurt and asked how do you establish a relationship with somebody that has abandoned you like that.  I thought about my own pain and about my parents and a lot about how I felt.  And what I shared with her was the way to start doing that is through understanding God’s grace towards us.  How he forgave us for what we did. Understand that grace can show us how we can forgive a parent for that.

She was telling me that her dad was coming into town the next week for an event and that she knew that she would have a chance to see him.  I suggested that she reach out to him and say, “Hey, look, I know that we haven’t gotten along but you’re going to be in town lets grab lunch, let’s just visit, let’s connect.”

Then I saw her just a couple of nights ago and found out that he did indeed come into town.  He was here for a couple of days and didn’t even take the time to call her on the phone and didn’t take the time to grab lunch with her or something like that.  And as I watched her and she said, “You know, I really don’t care.  It doesn’t matter to me.”  I saw the hurt in her eyes.  I saw the pain in her eyes and I know that while she’s angry with her dad and she can put up this false front and everything that she loves him and cares about him and needs him in her life.

So that’s why I’m doing this video. I’m going to call her Amy.  I don’t want to use her real name.  But I just watched Amy and I saw how hurt she was and so I just decided I’m going to do this video.

A little about my own background. I’ve been married three times. The first two marriages were just horrible relationships, a terrible job on my part being a husband and a man and everything, you know, a lot of challenges, my immaturity, a lack of integrity, a lack of character on my part!  In my second marriage I had a son and I got a divorce in that marriage when Jason was not much more than a year old or so.  And so I really, really messed up, folks, made a lot of bad decisions.  But one thing I did was recall my experience in my own life.

In that divorce I said look, I’ll do whatever you want.  I just want joint custody of my son.  I want him half the time!  I don’t want him every other weekend, every other holiday.  I want to be my son’s dad like I intended to the day he was born. Jason’s mom, Patti, agreed to that. I’m so thankful she did.  I really appreciate the insight that she had.  And I’m sure she felt she was crazy doing that knowing how foolish I was at the time.  But she agreed to it. I’ve been the father that I Had hoped to be to Jason through his life.  I had joint custody, had him half the time.  I wouldn’t have given that up for anything in the whole world!

I would tell you this, folks, I made so many mistakes; I did so many things poorly.  When I decided to be Jason’s dad it was the first really good thing I had done in my life in a number of years. Through my first two marriages, all of the mistakes I made, all of the foolishness, all of the immaturity, all those things I said a while ago … to decide to be his dad, to do what had to be done, to have joint custody, to do that was the first right thing I had done in a long time.  And then from there I met my wife Christie. What a great, beautiful, godly woman, faithful woman she was.

Because of Christie and Jason I began to get back involved in the church and now here we are years later.  Twenty-three years I’ve been married to Christie!  Jason is 24 years old and got married last summer to a beautiful young woman himself. I am certain it will be a once for a lifetime relationship for him!

Doing the right thing by my son was the first right thing I had done in a number of years and then it became the first in a series of right things I’ve done. You can trust me I’m not perfect by any means today.  I still make a lot of mistakes, but God began to change my life and do things through Jason and through Christie that I’m quite certain I was not capable of doing on my own.

I said all that to say this. Although I’m speaking to dads right now, it can be true of moms too and moms you’ve got a part to play in this.  The court systems are all set up to give the children to the mom and turn the dad into an every other weekend, every other holiday, you know, fantasy dad with no real connection to the kids.  Moms, I’m going to ask you to fight the urge to do that.  I’m going to ask you to trust God. As long as their dad isn’t somebody that would be a danger to the kid you should encourage them to be a co-parent. It is in the best interest for your sons and daughters to be connected to both parents! Just because they don’t do it your way doesn’t mean they can’t be a great parent.

But right now I’m talking to you dads out there. If you’ve gone through a divorce and you’re not as close to your kids as you would like to be, now is the day to change that! You know, when we got married we made some vows. We broke those vows.  I did too myself, all right.  We broke those vows.  I know it pains God that we do that. Too many times we also walk away from a commitment we made to be a mom or dad. We’re walking away from a commitment to be a dad and accepting and going along with this every other weekend/holiday deal isn’t doing it.

I’m going to challenge you when you have that every other weekend, every other holiday, get in there and be a dad! Be engaged, be involved with them.  Do the stuff that dads are supposed to do. Your daughters need you.  Your sons are crying out to have their dads there.  And if you can work it out become a joint custody dad.

I know what you’re saying out there, “How in the world will I do that.  I’m a busy man! I am running 90 miles an hour.”  I’m sure you are. Okay? Question is … how do you think she’s doing it?  How does a mom do it, right?  They do it because they make a commitment to do it.  They give up a lot of other things in life they might have in order to be the mom their kids deserve. You know what guys? It’s about time that we did that too! All right? We’ve got to give up some things to be the dad we said we would be when we chose to have children in the first place.

So I’m going to challenge you to do that.  I’m not trying to be ugly to you. I’m telling you guys it’s the first, best thing you’ll do in your entire life if you haven’t already done it.  If you haven’t already made that commitment, if you’re distant from your children, if you’re not talking to them like Amy’s dad, if you’re hurt, embarrassed, angry, mad, you know what, the kids had nothing to do with it.  They don’t deserve being treated like that.

I’m going to challenge you to reengage with your children, do all the hard work that it takes. Yes, you’re going to have to deal with your ex. It’s part of the deal! Okay? You can divorce your wife but you can’t divorce your kids!  That’s not right. I’m going to challenge you to get back engaged with your kids, become as much of a full-time dad as you possibly can, know what is going on in their lives, be there for them. Let God take care of the rest!

Again, I hope I didn’t come across as preaching to you ‘cause here’s the deal guys, it’s going to be the best thing you ever do. I have had the privilege of talking to hundreds of men in the last 23 years about custody, about being a dad in a divorce situation. I’ve challenged every one of them to do what I’m challenging you to do right now. I’ll tell you what, I have never, ever had a single man come back to me and say that committing to be a man, a dad, was a mistake. I’ll tell you this … I’ve had hundreds of men emailing me, calling me on the phone crying their eyes out going you know what, the best thing I ever did was get back in touch with my kids.  The best thing I ever did was become a full-time dad.  The best thing I ever did was to ask for joint custody.  The best thing I ever did was to learn to be there when my kids needed me because it made me a better man.  And I’m going to tell you it’s going to be that for you too.

Robert Ringer wrote a great book called Looking Out for Number One. In that book Ringer said there are two primary concepts we’ve got to get straight to be successful in life.  Concept #1 is we always do what we believe is in our best interest.  And I believe right now that whatever your relationship with your kids is, however close it may be or however far apart it may be that you believe it’s in your best interest to have that kind of a relationship with them.

The second thing Ringer said in his book was in order to be successful in life we have to truly find out what is in our best interest. I’m going to tell you this guys, when it comes to you kids, when it comes to your life, when it comes to the end of life and things are all over with, it is in your best interest to be the man that you had hoped to be, to be the father you hoped to be and to let your kids know how much you love them and care about them! I’m challenging you to do that.

If you’ve got questions about that. If you’ve got a situation you don’t know what to do (I’ve pretty much heard them all), don’t hesitate to email me or call me.  I’ll spend whatever time you want on the phone talking to you about your situation and about how God called you to be a dad! How that will be the best, first right thing you may have done in years and the first step on the road to becoming a proud dad, and a proud man. Hopefully, somewhere down the road a proud husband as well.  If you’ve got any questions about any of that call me.

As you have already figured out, I feel passionate about this! I know your kids love you and I know that they need you. As I’m sitting here looking into that camera I’m thinking about Amy, I’m thinking about her dad and I know that he loves her too and that he misses her and pride or anger or something is keeping them apart.

I’ll tell you this, if you’re mad at me right now, that’s fine.  If one dad changes their mind and reaches out today and calls his daughter or son or sends them a note or something like that, if one dad does it I don’t care if a hundred of you are mad at me.  That will be worth my time today.

So God Bless you. I love you! I love your kids! I know that this road can be tough.  If I can help you in any way don’t hesitate to reach out.  God bless you guys. Time to Man Up!

Jim Jacobus
jim@tentenministries.com

Forgiveness vs Justice! Which Would You Prefer?

Hey folks!

Wanted to post this video blog today about forgiveness vs justice and how it applies to our every day lives. Our study material this past week in Divorce Care (www.divorcecare.com) was about forgiveness and I know it was a difficult lesson for the group! Then today I was personally attacked via e-mail by someone I offended and I wanted to return the attack but I remembered the lesson that was so easy to teach but now became difficult to execute.

That in mind, I turned to the bible for wisdom and found some scripture from Matthew that applies to all of our lives whether we are dealing with divorce, separation, some personal attack or just day to day living. I shot a little video about that scripture that I would love your feedback on. I hope you enjoy it!

Let me know what you think! Agree or disagree? Like or dislike? Any insights or thoughts you would like to add?

Click here to watch the video!

Here is the scripture from Matthew;

Matt 18:21-35

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26 “The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’

30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
NIV

Check Out Our Good Friend’s Awesome Music – Chad Strader

Real World Christianity – The Blog Begins!

Christie & Jim - Living Life Large!

Hello world!

We have decided to begin a blog about our experiences as Christians and our real world struggles and victories. We want to write and share ideas to encourage and inspire others as well as have our beliefs challenged by others. Our promise is to have open, adult, gracious dialogue with everyone who is willing to do the same.

If you see things the way we do then let’s expand our ideas and insights together. If you don’t see things the way we do then let’s have a civil and thought out exchange of ideas! Trust me, I have thought and rethought what I believe and while I have come to what I consider a well reasoned conclusion I will be the first to admit that I don’t know all of the answers!

As time goes by and this blog grows I will be glad, as will my wife Christie and our son Jason, to open up what it is I believe and why I believe it. I am looking forward to sharing those beliefs with you and anyone who is willing to read or listen. I will commit to being transparent in all that I/we post. So, join us on this journey and let’s have some fun along the way!

Blessings!

Jim Jacobus

www.tentenministries.com